Month 1
Many people wonder what’s
involved in becoming adoptive parents: how long it takes;
the processes and procedures; the home visits and all the
questions; the preparation; the build-up to that all-important
Adoption Panel meeting and, of course, being matched with
your adoptive child or children! Not to mention all the emotional
aspects of the process.
Although some of the information is available on the Families
are Best website, and other websites, what could be better
than sharing the experiences of a real family as they embark
on the adoption process?
We’re delighted that prospective adopters Clare and
Jeremy have agreed to share their experiences with us throughout
their own special journey through the assessment and preparation
process with Families are Best.
Every month, in their own words, Clare and Jeremy will update
you on their progress – including all the ups and downs
they may experience along the way.
In this first installment, Clare and Jeremy introduce themselves
and bring us up to date with their efforts to be approved
as an adoptive couple.
Monthly updates will be added to the website on the first
Wednesday of every month.
If you have comments or question about this regular feature,
please get in touch. Click here to contact us.
We want to adopt, and this is our diary…
Hello, we are Clare and Jeremy – welcome to
our adoption diary.
About us…
We have been together since August 2002 and were married last
September. We have both been married before. I do not have
any children of my own but Jeremy has a son Daniel. Jeremy
met his wife, Debbie shortly after she found out she was pregnant
by a man who went on an ‘extended holiday’ abroad
for several years. He had no interest in the unborn child,
unlike Jeremy who adopted Daniel at birth and loves him as
his own.
Why we decided on adoption
We knew fairly early on in our relationship that it was highly
unlikely that we would be able to conceive naturally and discussed
at length what our options were as we both love children and
couldn’t wait to be parents together.
We decided against IVF as we have both had friends whose
relationships failed due to the enormous stress put on them
during the process. Our best friends Julie and Darren adopted
a little girl and we saw how much love they both gave to her
– we knew this was what we wanted and needed to do.
The beginnings of our dream
We contacted our local Social Services Dept back in December
2003 and attended one of their meetings along with other potential
adoptive parents. We really enjoyed this and came away very
excited. We completed some forms whilst at the meeting and
waited to hear from Social Services to arrange a home visit.
We did get a call and a date was set for a few weeks later.
Obviously we were very excited and so nervous on the day.
We did get our hopes raised before too as they sent us the
adoption forms, medical forms and police check forms to complete
before the meeting. I remember us both finishing work early
and buying some mince pies to serve to them (pretending that
I had made them myself!) and eagerly waiting for their arrival!
What a complete and utter waste of time that was! Two ladies
arrived and sat on both ends of our sofa – one was asking
us a list of questions whilst the other hardly spoke and wrote
our answers on her clipboard.
Not once did they show any interest in us, it was as though
we were filling in a credit card application form!! They said
they would call us the following week after they had had their
monthly meeting when new applications were discussed. Their
parting words didn’t really help; they didn’t
seem too pleased regarding the length of our relationship.
This did hurt. Yes, we had only been together just over a
year but we were engaged, our wedding date was set for the
following year and we were (and still are!) very much in love
and have so much to give to a child/children.
Dealing with rejection
Their monthly meeting was set for the 23rd December and they
promised to call us at lunchtime. By mid-afternoon there had
been no call, so I called their office and was told our application
had been rejected as they had plenty of couples on their waiting
list already and we should contact them again in a couple
of years when the situation may have changed!! Happy Christmas
to you too!!
I was devastated and called Jeremy at work and told him.
Jeremy, being Jeremy, took it in his stride and said it was
for the best as he knew we wouldn’t have been truly
happy taking our adoption application forward with them, as
we would have to feel completely at ease - something that
we had not felt at all with the local authority.
Meeting Families are Best
That night, I met my best friend Lizzie for an Indian meal
and told her what had happened. The previous week the school
where her little girl attends was visited by Families Are
Best, the adoption service of the Catholic Children’s
Society, Nottingham where they gave a presentation and handed
out forms and answered questions.
Liz was very impressed by these people and suggested we contacted
them. As soon as I got home, I looked on their website and
took down their details. As it was Christmas in two days time,
we decided to wait and contact them in the New Year and put
our experience of the local authority behind us.
We made contact with Families Are Best and a pack was sent
to us from a lady called Chris and a date was set for us to
meet her colleague Gail in mid January. Again all excited
and nervous we drove to Nottingham, arrived at the offices
and rang the bell and waited to be let inside.
As soon as the door was opened and we were greeted by the
charming receptionist we knew we were doing the right thing
with the right people!
Gail was so lovely and we were chatting to her like we had
known her for years. We talked about our relationship, sad
and happy times in our lives and again the length of our relationship.
We knew we had to be married before Families Are Best could
approve us, but our wedding date was set for September 4th
last year and we hoped this would be taken into consideration.
Gail promised to discuss our interest with her manager and
we would hear from her within a week. More waiting - but this
waiting felt OK, but until that letter arrived, we had to
be calm!
We were hoping for some positive news!
Month 2 > |
